SPRINGTIME IN ATLANTA HAS ARRIVED

I was out on a bike ride on Sunday, a much more challenging task with all of the hills here than the last week in flat Florida.

And I saw so many sights of Atlanta in the spring that when I got back I grabbed my camera and went out and took the photos below from our neighborhood to share with those of you that are still in the cold north. Of course, at this moment I am sitting in a waiting room at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN so I may just share them with the others in this waiting room.

I thought I would offer encouragment to all of you that live north of the Mason Dixon line that these type of sights are just around the corner for you also.

But before I show the photos of Atlanta's flowers, I thought I would share this bizarre photo I took Monday night at the Hyatt Regency in Minneapolis. It is in the vestibule as you first walk in the front entrance.

Doesn't the city of Minneapolis ban guns? Does this mean each business has to choose if they will allow guns or not? Did it mean you could not have a gun in the vestibule but were fine taking one into the restaurant or lobby?

So enjoy these six photos. I wish Mom could see them as she loves flowers and loved spending one spring with us in Atlanta almost 20 years ago.

Our neighbor two doors down. It is the oldest home in the neighborhood-over 100 years old and has these beautiful trees.

Bradford Pear tree and pansies. A great combination.

I loved the red explosion set against the snow white blossoms

I thought this was an interesting shot-the home is actually bright yellow although it does not show up that way here due to the angle of the sun.

The redbud trees in the foreground with the golf course (50 yards from our house) in the background. The golf course was built in 1910.

This is just plain old awesome

I hope you enjoyed them.

MOM

I have been avoiding talking about my Mom's condition recently because it is always bad news. And today, for some reason, I have been struggling with her situation more than other days. I decided that if I wrote about it and shared what is going on, I could bring everyone up to date and perhaps it would help me since I find writing helps me if I am in a funk. I also waited until we told Grover, Andrea, Gustavo, Cris, Lee and Dorte what the reality is and we did that this week in a series of three very difficult phone calls.

After she fell and broke her neck, things continued to go down hill, culminating in her taking another fall about twelve days ago and cutting her arm open down to the muscle. Because her skin is so brittle, they can't so it up so from the ER they had a plastic surgeon look at it who said there were two options-the first was to put her under anesthesia and try and sew it up from the inside but he said she would never survive the operation.

The second option was to give her anti-biotics, transfer her to a short term hospice center and let it heal naturally. Once she arrived there, she learned that one of her options was to simply stop eating and drinking and she could hasten the end. Eight days ago she began that process and she is at peace with it. Steve and Judie see her daily and say she has not looked as much at peace and has not been as happy as she is now for over a year.

She said that she has set herself a final goal and that while she won't know when she has achieved it, we will.

The hospice center offers her food and drink daily but she refuses and they then take it away so she doesn't have to look at it. They have taken her off all medication that is life prolonging and are only giving her medications that keep her comfortable.

She is enjoying seeing photos that the kids have been sending her and having emails read to her that all of us are writing to keep her up to date on our lives.

It takes enormous courage on her part to do this. She asked us to support her decision and we are doing that as it is her life, but it is not easy. I have written in this Blog before that my Mom is my hero, my role model and my inspiration and this final decision just illustrates why I feel that way about her.

She is a devout Catholic and so has had the priest come to give her the Sacrament of the Sick. Steve asked her is she would like to keep her rosary with her and she first said no, because she was worried that it would be misplaced.

Then she changed her mind and in another example of what a phenomenal woman my Mom is, she said to Steve "On second thought, let me keep it so I can pray for Cathy as she is going to Mayo in a few days to try and find an answer for the back pain she is suffering."

Even as she nears her final moments on earth, my Mom is praying for my wife instead of herself.

You can read a little more about this in News About Mickey, a Blog my brother created to keep my Mom's friends up to date on her situation. He nickname is Mickey which is why the Blog has that name.

I am not sure what is going on inside of my heart and head over this. I know that intellectually I always understood this time would come but emotionally perhaps in some way, because my Mom has always been so strong, so healthy and so independent, I thought she would outlive me-perhaps even live forever.

As I have thought about the inevitable, one question has been bothering me for some time, especially today. That question is what happens to her memories?

I know what happens to her physically when her time is up. And based on the way she has lived her life, I know what will happen to her soul or spirit. She will be welcomed with open arms.

But where do her memories go? Ones that only she has. We have many memories we share and all of our family will pass on those memories of the laughter and the fun with my Mom down from generation to generation. But what about her memories?

Below is a photo of her holding me soon after I was born. I don't remember it but I am sure she has that memory as all Mom's do. Where does the memory go when she passes on of this time so long ago when she was smiling brightly, standing in the back yard of the home she and my Dad had bought together, holding her first born child? What dreams and aspirations did she have for me and did I meet her expectations or let her down? She fed me, clothed me, tucked me in at night, was so happy the first time I smiled at her, got excited when I crawled and even more when I took my first step and I am sure she remembers every one of those things about me and about my brother. Are these memories just gone forever?

And what about the memories that only she and my Dad shared? Their first date, their dreams, their fears? Every couple that is married any reasonable time have private memories-most good, some not so good, but memories all the same. Now they are gone forever and we will never know what they were. That really makes me hurt inside.

It is these kind of thoughts that have landed me in the funk I am in today. And I know I will not find the answer. And that saddens me deeply even though I know she would tell me to get over it and look forward.

For those of you who practice a religion, I asked you to pray for my Mom in your own way that she will not suffer more as she continues down the path she has chosen. Thank you.

DETAINED AT A MILITARY BASE

In my last post I mentioned how intelligent I was to have decided to fly to Destin instead of driving to save time. When I typed that, I opined that it would take us as long to fly as it would to drive since the plane was so late.

As usual, I was wrong. It took longer. So, I spent hundreds of dollars to save time and instead it took longer. I'm surprised I ever made it out of the mail room.

Due to the bad weather in Atlanta coupled with spring break and the thousands headed for Destin, the plane was many hours late. As we were at the gate (remember-this was Sunday), Delta announced they were overbooked and they were looking for volunteers who could wait until TUESDAY NIGHT to get the next available flight to Destin. Right. I didn't see a long line of takers.

We finally arrived at the recently renamed Northwest Florida Regional Airport along with a covey of quail from New Jersey on spring break. They looked like they were 13 and a woman asked them if they were all over 21 and they said yes. Man I'm old. They already had deep tans (no doubt from tanning beds given New Jersey's climate) and all had black hair. Having spent five years living in New Jersey (my bride would say five lifetimes), it was so funny to see the contrast between them and all the southern blondes.

Oh, by the way, it was raining as hard at the airport as it had been in Atlanta.

We went out to get a taxi to our house and there was one guy standing in line. The taxi driver said he was the last taxi (needless to say, this was very late) and so if we wanted to go with the guy in line, the driver would drop him off first at Eglin Air Force Base and then take us to our home in Destin. We said okay since we had no choice.

The driver was a nice guy, but real goofy. He seemed to be in a perpetual state of confusion and had to radio to the dispatcher to ask the most basic question.

We arrived at the base, pulled up to the guard station where these guys with enough firearms to defeat Al-Qaeda were wandering around. The taxi driver said that he had 3 passengers-one was a military person (the guy with us) and two "civilians" (us). I never thought about this until I am typing this but what was the driver if he was neither a military person nor a civilian?

The officer in charge said "They (us) will have to get out (recall-it is raining) as they cannot come on the base". So the taxi guy says "Okay, leave your bags in the taxi and wait here and I will be back in just a few minutes."

Fortunately, there was a little box of a building where people would go to get a security pass so we went there to stay dry. We had an interesting conversation with the guy in charge there, a 50 something career military guy who was clearly not an Obama fan. He started complaining about Obama bringing people into his administration that seemed unable to understand the concept of paying taxes while he was raising them on the 5% of Americans that drive the economy through their investments. Eglin AFB and the entire area around there is very far to the right (which obviously over 50% of the country is not) and you still see McCain/Palin stickers everywhere so he fit right in.

After about 15 minutes we realized we had no idea what the name of the taxi company was and that he should have been back by now. We walked outside and stood under a porch to stay dry.

After another 15 minutes we began getting concerned. Our bags were with a goofus who was clearly lost, and given the weapons everywhere, if he drove down the wrong road they may have shot him and I needed my pajamas.

One of the soldiers saw us and walked over and said "Hasn't that taxi guy come back yet? It is only two lights down and then five blocks to the right to that Inn on the base where he was taking that soldier."

Wonderful. Fortunately, this guy then said "I know the company. I drove for them part time over Christmas to earn some extra money. I will call them." Hallelujah! We were about to be saved!

As he was dialing the number the taxi guy shows back up. "Sorry, it was longer than I thought" he lied. So we got in the car and when we got home he charged us the normal fare. I was too tired to argue and I also thought that this guy would never be hired by anyone in this economy so instead of getting frustrated with him, I felt sorry for him and paid him (even gave him a tip) and thanked him.

So, using the word "Detained" in the title of this post is a little overkill, but it got your attention, right?

It was now after midnight and we had been planning on having dinner when we arrived. So much for that. So I drove down to the 24 hour Walmart, the only thing open at that time of night to get some milk and fruit for breakfast and this was so interesting. In the store at that time of night were 183 Auburn University spring breakers (the women all had blonde hair) and me. They were stocking up on beer and chips for the one two bedroom condo they likely had rented for the coming week. I was buying milk and fruit.

Talk about feeling old and out of place! And I am on Twitter but that didn't make me feel any younger. Probably because I still can't figure out what it is and what I am supposed to do with it.

But the last week here has been great-75 degrees and sunny with no humidity every day but the first. We are flying back to Atlanta today, but day after tomorrow we have to fly to Minnesota. I don't think the weather will be quite the same.

BILLY, ELTON, TWITTER & FLIGHT DELAYS

Last night we went with Andrea and Lee to the Billy Joel and Elton John concert. We had gone to see them a few years ago in Chicago but since Elton has been an Atlanta resident the last 18 years we went again and showed our support for the local boy.

It was incredible. They promised 3 hours and played, without interruption for almost 4 hours. Our seats were just a little higher in altitude than La Paz, Bolivia but it didn't matter due to the huge screens.

Things have changed from the concerts of my youth. Back then, most of my friends were having close relationships with a girl named Mary Jane and so during the concerts you would see a constant flickering of cigarette lighters.

In just one more example of making me feel old, now people have a flickering cigarette lighter on their IPhone that they hold up in lieu of a live flame.

In the middle of the concert, I had an email (that too has changed since the 60's) saying that Billy Hill had just started following me on Twitter.

Now, what is so weird about that is that I decided I need to understand Twitter. And Facebook but I decided to leap from the technology and skip Facebook and go right to Twitter since the analysts claim that Twitter, or an improved version of it, will take over and texting, chatting, emailing and blogging will become obsolete.

Holy shit. Blogging will become obsolete? I will be as lost as a puppy. So I decided to enroll in Twitter. I did that. I now have 5 followers (counting Billy). Billy is the CEO of an insurance company in Texas. What I can't figure out is how he knew I was on Twitter and how he found me. Also, a woman I worked with in the 80's found me this morning and is the 2nd of my followers. The third is a woman from Seattle that I serve on a board with and we were sitting next to each other at a board meeting in Chicago last Tuesday and I told her about this and she is also trying to learn it so she is a follower. I don't know the other two people.

So, I have signed up and send my microblogs of 140 max characters and I keep waiting for something big to happen but nothing happens.

As for those of you that read this Blog often, can you imagine me trying to say something in 140 characters or less?

How did they find me? Why doesn't everyone find me?

Back to the concert. Early on in the music, about 3 rows down from us (they were only at about 9,786 feet in altitude), this woman with long blonde hair and a slinky dress stood up and was dancing around and flipping her hair around and loving the music and the attention.

And I suddenly thought about how much the lives of Andrea and Alice have changed since their days at the Hole in the Wall only 4 years ago. And Alice is about to have her life changed even more-in a great way.

I typed this in the Delta Crown Room. Headed for our home in Destin, Florida and I hate to drive the 7 hours so decided to fly. At 11am this morning Delta showed that the 6:35 departure was delayed by 7 minutes to 6:42. I knew that was a bad omen-how in the world could they compute 7 minutes? It also said the gate was B2.

About 3pm their website said it was leaving at 7:17. We went to the airport and when we checked our bag they said the gate was C36, not B2 and the time was still 7:17. By the time we got to the Crown Room it was scheduled for 7:30. At this moment it is 6:50 and they just changed the departure to 8:46.

What ever possessed me to decide to fly to Florida during spring break to one of the biggest spring break destinations? We should get to the house about the same time we would have if we had driven. It just would have been a lot cheaper.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATHY!

Today is Cathy's birthday and if you read Andrea's Blog today you will hear all about her big day. And about her directional skills which are exactly the way Andrea described them.

Of course, you may wonder why I am not writing one of my very long dissertations today on her birthday and am instead referring you to Andrea's Blog.

Because I have not had time. Because I have devoted myself to her all day.

As I do every day when I am in town, she started out the day in bed as I brought her the morning newspaper and a cup of freshly made latte with a dollop of foam, one half of a Honey Dew melon heaping full of fresh blueberries, strawberries, cantaloupe, blackberries and watermelon. Damn I'm good the 25% of the time I am in town.

Then I brought her the presents I had for her and made my pledge to not do emails or have any conference calls today.

A little later we went to her favorite Taqueria for lunch and then went and saw Slumdog Millionaire. Great movie. Easy to see why it walked away with the awards.

After the movie, since I had earned a gift card as a result of buying her birthday gifts, we went to exchange the card for some more clothes at the store. How fun when it is your birthday.

Then we went and spent some time with Grandson #3, Finn, who you can see 1, 412 photos a week of if you go to Andrea's Blog. He is happy and smiling in all of them.

We finished up the day with a dinner at Woodfire Grill, a great restaurant but unfortunately, in a sign of the times, when we arrived for our 8pm reservations, there were only two tables with patrons and that is all that were there when we left 2 hours later.

So she had a good birthday I think. But I think the best part of it for her (other than having me around) was that today, they nearly finished with our back yard landscaping project that she has designed and managed for a long, long time, mainly because for two years after they tore up the back yard, they had to suspend work on the planting due to our draught.

But finally it is nearly done and I know she is much, much happier about it than the look on her face suggests in this photo I took of her standing in part of her project.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATHY!

I MISS YOU POP !

18 years ago today you left us, a victim of lung cancer from smoking in an age where they did not have the knowledge to help people quit if they wanted to.


Soon, I am afraid, Mom will join you in the hereafter. Not from lung cancer but just because she has lived 93 years and it is now her time.

Looking at your wedding photo in my last post makes it a tiny little bit easier to deal with Mom's situation as I know the two of you will soon be reunited for eternity.


Even after 18 years I miss you so much. I miss calling you every week and telling you what was going on with my life, my career and especially my family. I would love for you to see your great grandchildren, but like many things in life, it wasn't meant to be.

You were a great Dad and I will always miss you. I hope my kids will miss me when my time comes half as much as I miss you. Not because I want sadness in their lives, but because that will mean me they loved me the way I loved you.

But knowing that soon Mom's ashes will be next to yours in Kingman, with that beautiful view of the Hualapais that you loved so much, helps me deal with the terrible sadness about Mom. In some ways, it feels like you are again, as you always were, there to help me in both good times and bad.

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE

The above three words comprise a wood carving in my Moms’ room at the Rest Home where she resides. I will come back to those words in a minute.

Due to the big blizzard and its impact on my arrival time in Phoenix, I was unable to see my Mom on Sunday night as I had planned. To say it was a disappointment would be an understatement. But, like so many things in life, it was what it was.

So on Monday I went to her place early. She was sleeping in her chair, a Lazy Boy type recliner that is where she spends her days and her nights as she can no longer sleep in her bed.

I sat down on her bed and waited until she awoke. Watching her sleep, I took her picture and I thought about the life she had up until recently. My Mom really knew how to LIVE her life. I thought about her passion for anything she ever did and how to her, it probably seemed just a short time ago when she was a newlywed on her wedding day and now, she is suffering and near the end of her life in this chair.

In the photo above, you can see the wooden carving I mentioned at the beginning sitting on the top of her chest of drawers.

I thought about the word LAUGH in that carving and how my Mom has spent her life doing crazy things and then laughing about it. I inherited all of my craziness from her.

I’ve dressed up in more weird and crazy costumes in my life than most clowns have just so I could get a laugh. And I have had so much fun in my life by being crazy and I owe it all to her.

My Mom was always smiling or laughing. Whether it was as a little girl on the farm with her dogs




Or as an octogenarian dressing up for one of her Soroptimist Club events (nice legs for a woman in her 80’s),

she never stopped laughing. Like all of us in our lives, she had some very difficult and painful times but she never lost her sense of humor.

She woke up and I gave her a big hug and just held her for a while. And then she wanted to see photos so I took out my PC and showed her a video of Finn’s recent baptism. She loved seeing him in the Baptismal outfit that she bought for him and I think it may have been the last check she ever wrote.

She wanted to see the part where the priest poured the wine on Finn’s head and when he put the Balsam oil on his forehead. When I told her that Father Henry said, as he put the oil on, that Finn was going to smell like a pine tree all day my Mom just howled with laughter.

Then she asked to see the latest photos I had of the Twins, Landon and Wes and we looked at them for half an hour or so. She really enjoyed hearing the stories about the all the kids.

Then, suddenly, she said “I can’t keep my eyes open” and she shut them and slept soundly for about an hour and a half. When she woke again we talked a little more and then she got tired again so I left to have lunch with my brother so she could sleep after lunch. Her lunch was Pureed Fish as they simply take whatever they serve and puree it as it is only through a straw that she can get any nourishment at all. It is as horrible as it sounds.

Later in the day I asked her to go out in the 90 degree day and look at the flowers. She hesitated and then decided to so I wheeled her out and she sat and talked about every flower that was blooming (and there were lots) in the beautiful back yard. My Mom has always loved flowers and has always had a green thumb. She talked about the petunias, the grapefruit tree, the Christmas Cactus, the jonquils, the geraniums (she loved the white one) and many others.

Then suddenly she got tired, we went back in and she fell asleep again. When she woke up we talked for a little while about her frustration at having to depend on others to help her do everything there is for a person to do. I really think that even with a broken neck (which will likely not heal since she refuses to wear a neck brace), she suffers more from frustration at having lost her independence than from the physical pain.

Through copious tears and sobs she kept apologizing to me for being a burden on her family and I could not convince her otherwise. It was very painful.

Then they brought in her dinner, another pureed shake that she enjoyed even though she had no idea what it was. It smelled like chicken and vegetables. She didn’t want me to ask what it was because she liked it and it might be something that wouldn’t sound good to her.

Suddenly she said “Okay. You have a board dinner. It is time for you to go.”

I had told my Mom goodbye twice in the last six weeks believing it would be the last time I would see her and now I was about to do it again.

Two weeks ago I was driving through a small town in Alabama when I heard a country western song that made me cry. The lyrics were about a man that told his Mom that he would “see her again in a few years in a different place” as he held her in his arms as she left this world. I decided that day I was going to tell my Mom that if I had the chance to see her again.

So, I picked up the wooden carving off of her chest and set it on her lap and told her that I wanted to leave her with a message.

I told her that she had mastered Life, Laugh and Love to perfection. She has lived life to its fullest and taught all of us to do the same.

She has laughed constantly, often at herself, and taught all of us the power of laughter.

And she has loved, always unselfishly and without reservation. LOVE defines my Mom.

Twice my Mom had to come down to the jail in our small town where everyone knew everyone else and bail out one of her children who had been arrested for underage drinking (it wasn’t my brother) and yet her love continued unconditionally.

And as we started our own families, she embraced them as she did us, without hesitation. Heck, she is the one that encouraged me to ask Cathy out for a first date (even though Cathy told me no for which I have never forgiven her).

And so I told her that the words in her wooden carving were just one of the many gifts that she had given us and that I wanted her to remember that. I told her that Cathy and I would be out to see her in about 4 weeks and then, reaching down into the pit of my stomach to grab every bit of inner strength I could muster, I stammered:

“And if you aren’t here then, I will see you in a better place in the future”.

I reached down to hold her and she leaned forward and when she did there was a loud popping in her back and neck that sounded like gunfire. It scared me but she said it didn’t hurt and started laughing through her tears and I started laughing through mine and I said that I was going to leave while we were both still laughing as I knew that would be the way she wanted it.

And I walked out, got in the car and fell so completely apart I couldn’t drive off for some time.

My Mom’s motto and her legacy to us:

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE

Taken July 12, 2007 in Kingman, Arizona

ANATOMY OF AN ATLANTA SNOWSTORM

There are several dozen people at Trustmark that read this Blog. Given the weather in Chicago, Lancaster and Baltimore this year, you will find this story hard to believe.

Sunday morning I got up excited to go see my Mom who I had not seen in five weeks and who is not doing well as my regular visitors know.

I have a Board meeting in Phoenix today so it was a great chance to go see her Sunday afternoon and yesterday.

I left my house around 11 am and drove to the Hartsfield airport. It took about 20 minutes and as I neared the airport snow flurries were beginning to fall.

I parked the car and walked into the world's busiest airport to see this:



There were 30,000 or so people in line at the check-in counters. I asked someone what was going on. He said "It is due to the blizzard here in Atlanta. Almost all the flights are canceled".

I was shocked. I had walked in 30 seconds earlier and there were flurries. Now it was a blizzard?

I turned around and walked outside and saw this-does it look like a blizzard? Do you see large snow drifts and snow-plows?

I was skeptical that so many flights were canceled so I walked up to the monitor. Sure enough, as you can see here if you click on the photo, 90% of the flights had been canceled.

I was very disappointed as I had told my Mom I would be there. Then I looked up my flight and found it was one of the 10% flying and not only that, it was leaving out of Gate B34 (naturally the furthest gate at one end of Concourse B) on time at 1:22. I was elated.

I went through security in about ten minutes as no one was going through since all the flights were canceled. I took the train to B and walked toward B34 lugging my suitcase full of papers and books for the board meeting and all my electronic crap. I would have checked it but I didn't want to wait for it in Phoenix so I could get out to see Mom quickly.

It was like a Ghost Concourse. I saw about 15 people total.

I walked up to Gate B34 and saw it was going to Seattle, not Phoenix and had been canceled. I asked the Delta rep where the Phoenix flight was and he looked irritated which in turn irritated me since he certainly wasn't busy. He looked it up with a sigh and told me B2. Naturally. At the absolute other end of the Concourse. My bags and I spent 15 minutes slogging down to B2.

There it showed it was a flight to Chicago, which had been canceled. I asked the Delta Rep there where the Phoenix flight was leaving from and she said B12. I had walked right past it.

We boarded almost on time and the conditions outside still looked good:



We taxied out on the runway and the pilot said we had to get in line to be de-iced. Of course it couldn't be much of a line I thought since 90% of the flights were canceled.

We then sat on the tarmac for five and a half hours waiting for the plane to be de-iced. They ran out of alcohol on the plane, ran out of the snacks and lunches they sell in coach and almost ran out of water. I was fortunate to have been upgraded to First Class and was tempted to auction off my free snacks to the people in coach but I restrained myself.

It was pure hell and pure pandemonium and the pilot didn't have any more information than we did. In the end, it turned out a jumbo jet going to Europe was being de-iced which takes an hour in Atlanta since they only use the de-icing equipment about once a decade. As it was almost finished, there was a medical emergency so they had to wait for the paramedics and fire engines to get there and then they coudln't get into the plane as it was too high up from the ground and it was out on the runway. So then they had to bring a high people mover to get the poor hapless sap that had the medical emergency out of the plane.

By then, the de-icing was no longer "legal" so it took another hour to do the de-icing again.

We finally took off and instead of seeing my Mom as I thought I was going to, I ended up walking into my hotel room in Phoenix a little before 2am Monday, 15 hours after I left my house. All over an inch or two of snow. I wonder what it would have been like if we had a Chicago blizzard?

I was with her all yesterday though and will write about that in my next Post.