I HAVE A NEW TITLE

As I've said before, I never watch TV. But today, someone else in the house had Tivo'd an episode of some reality show in Costa Rica (I don't know the name) and they have this wretched woman on there named Janice Dickinson. She has more whines than Bordeaux. She was having this major pity party and making a total fool out of herself.

Here is what happened. My hernia was killing me. I walked into the bedroom and lay ** (note below) on the bed. I put an ice pack on my groin (not as exciting as it sounds). The TV was on. I had no way of escaping.

This woman kept carrying on that she is a Supermodel when she looks older than I am and has more plastic in her face than I have in my wallet. She reaffirmed all the reasons why I don't watch TV.

Whenever they would show her name on the screen, it would show her title. As in "Janice Dickinson, Supermodel". I don't think that is something that you are designated by some august organizing body like when you become a Bishop of the LDS church or a Knight of the Round Table. I think it is what she wants to be called and so she has everyone call her that.

So I have decided what I want to be called. From now on, I am Grover Thomas, SD (Super Deity).

When I went to write this intensely interesting and important to humanity Blog, I couldn't remember her last name (I tried to block out all memory of her) so I searched on our Internet (it is ours you know-it isn't Pluto's or Mars') and found her name. I then searched on the words "Susan Dickinson, Supermodel" and found a link titled "Janice Dickinson: "My life of sex, drugs and plastic surgery" The title explained many things and confirmed my incredibly good judgment.

I chose not to open the link and learn more about her.

Thank you for listening.

Grover Thomas, SD

** For those of you that think my grammar was wrong when I said "I lay on the bed", I gotcha. That is the right way to say it.

I have decided I need to improve my grammar and I ain't kidding about that.

I always have trouble between “lay and lie”. So, before typing the words "I lay" (since I would have normally typed "I lied", I looked it up, also on our internet (yours and mine).

I found a site with the title "Learn the Difference Between Lay and Lie". You can find it here and I hope that not too many of you go to the site at once and crash our internet.

The author of the explanation is actually quite funny. Or at least as funny as you can be with Grammar. If you want to learn (as I did) when to use lay and when to use lie, this is a good site to go to as you can smile as you learn. The author talks about dating his/her English professor. I never wanted to date my teachers as they were all nuns.

With that I will close. I cannot believe I am 200 emails behind and I decided to go off on Janice who I have never heard of before today (and hopefully never will again).