IT’S MY BIRTHDAY & I’M BUMMED OUT ABOUT IT.

MY FIRST DAY AT HOME AFTER MY BIRTH

Today I turn 65. Holy shit. That is old. I am really having a hard time with it. I sent my Mom two photos today. The first one was a photo of her with me on my first birthday. The second one is of me sitting in the chair in my family room this morning. Somewhere in between those two photos 64 years disappeared.

MOM AND ME ON MAY 31, 1945

ME IN ATLANTA TODAY-I EVEN LOOK OLD

I’m so bothered by this birthday that I decided not to go to the Buddhist Monastery I go to some Sundays to meditate as I thought I might start crying in the middle of it and it would freak people out.

No wonder I have a damn hernia.

My life, SO FAR (I’m nowhere done yet), has been wonderful. I have so much to be thankful for. Just a few things I’ve thought about the last few days as this day approached.

1. I have the energy of a 40 year old, the drive of a 30 year old and a schedule just a little easier than Obama’s. I clearly don't act my age. But I am my age.
2. Other than having colon cancer when I was young I've been healthy as a horse all my life. The hernia doesn’t count.
3. I married the greatest wife in the world. I had to marry her because she refused to go out with me at first and I do well when I have a challenge and a goal. I realize every day how lucky I am to have her support.
4. My parents were the best. I was always close to them mainly because they put up with all my shenanigans. I miss my Dad tremendously and as readers, you know what I am going through emotionally with my wonderful Mom, my inspiration.
5. My brother is 8 years younger than me so we didn’t hang out together as kids but over the years we have grown closer and closer. He and his wifes loving care for my Mom knows no limits.
6. I have kids that I am proud of and we have spent time together in some of the craziest parts of the world. I am full of so many good memories of my children.
7. And then there are my grandkids. Anyone that reads this knows how I feel about them.
8. I have so many good friends all over the country. Five years ago when I turned 60, 55 of these friends and our family went to Spain for my birthday party for 3 straight days and nights. We turned around and did it again 3 years later for Cathy’s birthday. That’s the kind of friends I have.
9. This issue is sensitive and has to be explained right. I don’t like to say that I am “proud” of what I have done as so many have done so much more. It is a sensistive issue as I always worry about the ability of power to corrupt people. Since I have had the opportunity to have a lot of power in the corporate world, I always worried about the risk of it corrupting me and me abusing it. So I am nervous talking about any poart of my career success.

But I do feel proud of what I achieved with the help of so many others (with #1 being Cathy).

To understand why I am proud, one has to understand where I started. Below is a photo of me and my friends taken when I was about 21. I’m the skinny one with the pool stick in my hand. I had no college, had a lousy GPA in high school and was working as a pool hustler. When I would periodically go broke I sold used cars. One half of the people in the photo are deceased (from drugs, prison, alcohol, & Vietnam) so I think I’m pretty lucky to have ended up where I am today.

STANDING LEFT TO RIGHT: ZEKE, ME, KIT, LARRY,BONANZA JIM, JUG, SALTY
SEATED LEFT TO RIGHT: BIG GEORGE, BERTHA, PUNCHIE (I SWEAR I'M NOT MAKING UP NAMES)

10. One of the cool things about the photo above has to do with my friend Salty. Like me, he didn't go to college out of high school. Rather, after he married his wonderful wife Mary, and they had their first two kids he went back to school, worked his tail off studying while supporting a growing family and became a schoolteacher and coach. I have so much admiration for him for what he did and how he dedicated his life to helping our young people become productive adults. He sent me the nicest Happy Birthday email today. Salty is a friend that I have known longer than anyone (even my wife) other than my parents and brother as we went to part of elementary school and high school together.

11. Thirteen years after that photo was taken it was 1978 and I was a Senior VP of a nationwide company and a freshman in College at 34 years of age. That is what getting married and settling down did for me.
12. Nine years later at the end of 1987 I had both my Bachelors and MBA and was made CEO of an insurance company for the first time. Yes, it does sound like I’m boasting. I am not trying to boast and apologize if it comes out that way. Rather, I’m trying to show how fortunate I have been to be blessed with working with good people and for having a family that supported me. I put a photo below from when I got my undergraduate degree. As you can see, I haven't changed at all.


12. I know I made a positive difference in some people’s lives. At the same time, as a CEO for so long, I had to make many difficult decisions on reductions in staff, outsourcing, performance problems and other complex issues that it haunts me to know that my decision impacted some people negatively even though it was right for the organization.
13. I’m often asked when I will retire. It is always awkward. I need to learn to tell the truth which is probably never. I want to continue until I drop over some day doing things that help others such as my work as Chairman of Freedom from Hunger. I realize how blessed we have been and we are trying hard to give back to those less fortunate.
14. An example of how much I am in denial about my age is AARP. They started soliciting me when I was 48 since you can become a member when you turn 50. They have spent probably $30,000 on postage sending me crap and they don’t understand that I will never join their organization even if I can buy a car for 75% off as I will never think of myself as a member of that group. I simply throw everything they send in the trash as I always think it doesn't apply to me.
15. I could have (most would say I should have) applied for Medicare and Social Security a couple of months ago. We certainly have paid a ton in taxes to contribute toward it (and thanks to our new Administration we are going to be paying even more) but it ain’t gonna happen. I may end up years from now changing my mind about this but for now, I believe the day I have to apply for Medicare or Social Security it will mean I am really old and I will just take one of those Cyanide pills the spies carry around.

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not doing well with this birthday. But, I know what my Mom would tell me. She would say “Get over it. You are only as old as you feel and act and you neither feel nor act 65. Go out and have a party, continue helping and teaching others, be good to your family and enjoy life. Stop whining and start laughing.

Okay Mom. That’s what I am going to do. Starting as soon as I post this.

PS-ADDENDUM TO ABOVE

Three hours after posting this my sister-in-law Judie called me and said that she was with my Mom and that Mom wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday. So I talked to her for about two minutes. She was very weak and not feeling well but she said she wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday.

It was a hard but wonderful end to the day.