IT JUST DIDN'T FEEL LIKE MOTHER’S DAY

Mothers Day. A day that global cultures set aside to honor the person that brought them in to this world. The person that cuddled them, fed them, picked them up when they fell and encouraged them to try things when they were afraid.

I spent time with several groups of Mom’s three weeks ago in Peru as they made the difficult choice to feed their kids while they skipped their meal. It is among the poorest of the poor in our world that you see the power of the love of a Mother. They will do anything, absolutely anything for their children. It is, I believe, Universal.

One only has to look at the photo below to see the pride in this Mom's face. I took it in a village of 180 people in the Andes three weeks ago at 13,000 feet of elevation(which is why the child's cheeks are burned). They have no access to clean water, no access to medical care and are extremely poor. Yet the pride of the Mother for her child is so apparent in this photo.



It is celebrated on different days in different countries, but it is celebrated regardless of the culture or the country. Last week in Singapore, a culture made up primarily of people from China, Malaysia, India and Indonesia, everywhere I went there were signs about the upcoming “Mummy Day”.

At the airport in Singapore on Friday I watched families standing outside of the Customs area, flowers in hand, waiting for Mom to arrive from some far away destination and I watched entire families waiting in line at the ticket counters, presents in hand, as they checked in for their flight to go see their Mum on this special day.

Everyone sends Mom a card, buys her a present if they can afford it (and makes her one if they can’t afford it) and telephones her on her special day. That is not an American custom but rather a Human Race custom. And how hard it is for people, like Cathy, who for the first time in her life woke up on Sunday without a Mom to send a card to, to buy a present for, to send flowers to and to call on her special day.

I remember when I was young and technology wasn’t as great as it is today, we would rise very early and call because the phone lines were filled to capacity on Mother’s Day. It was always the busiest day of the year for the phone company and continues to be the day of smashing success for Hallmark and the Florists.

And that brings me to my Mom and this years Mothers Day.

I haven’t mentioned my Mom lately since we told her goodbye and I wrote about it here in this Blog back on April 4th. When I wrote that we had told her goodbye and never expected that Mom would still be alive when Mother’s Day arrived this year. But she is.

After Mom’s decision to stop eating so she could hasten her passing, she did not eat a thing for 37 days. She would drink a quarter cup of juice or so a day and some water, but would decline every meal that was brought to her at Hospice. It took enormous discipline and strength on her part as she slowly melted away, down to her present 70 pounds. She never complained about being hungry or was tempted to ask for food. She only would mention once in a while that she was disappointed that her day had not yet come.

On the 38th day, in the style that defines who my Mom is, she woke up and proclaimed “This plan is not working. We need a better plan. I want someone to bring me some breakfast as I am hungry.”

And so, because her physical body had rejected the desire of her heart and mind to end it, she unhesitatingly decided to abandon that plan. Within days her weakened state had rallied only a little, but enough to cause the Hospice folks to say she could no longer stay at Hospice. Yes, they are angels. Yes, they are wonderful caring human beings and I don’t know how they do what they do. Yes they took wonderful loving care of my Mom. But yes, because of Medicare rules, they had to kick her out of Hospice.

So a little over a week ago, while I was on the other side of the world, my heroic brother and sister-in-law scrambled around and found a Skilled Nursing home for my Mom and they moved her.

And so as Mother’s Day approached I did what 99.9% of the world does. I wanted to send her a card, a gift, some flowers and call her and talk to her on her day. As much for me as for her I suppose.

And we did send her a card that she could put with the cards she received from others in our family. And we did send her flowers. After consultation with my brother, we agreed not to get her a gift because she worries that someone will take them out of her room when she is asleep and so we had to honor her request to not send gifts other than photos or pieces of art the kids make for her. And I was okay with that as it was her wish.

And Sunday arrived. And all day long I went to reach for the phone to call my Mom as I have done every single year, without exception, since I left home at 18. I’ve called her from all over the world, but I’ve always called her.

And this time I could not. She is not in a place or condition that allows me to call her. And no matter how nice it was to be with the Mother of my children and to talk to the Mom’s of my grandchildren, it was not a complete Mother’s Day without being able to talk to my Mom. Because in the end, my Mom, for me, is what Mother’s Day is all about.

And since Sunday I have felt like my heart is broken again. I love you Mom. I wish I could have spoken to you.

MOM WITH STEVE AND ME IN MAY, 2007. SO MUCH HAPPENS SO FAST.